So this weekend, while I was on the bus to and from NYC I decided to read one of the books that we put on a tentative list, but never actually read. Tracy Cabot’s How to Make a Man Fall in Love With You. It’s a supposedly a “scientifically proven” fool proof method to getting the man of your dreams. I couldn’t really take this book seriously when I was reading it– although I am definitely testing out some of it’s tactics– because at times it seemed so mysogenistic that it must be purely for entertainment value.
I was almost confirmed in my idea when while searching for information about the book I found out that there was a film made based on the book in 1998. Written in the early 1980s, How to Make a Man Fall in Love With You takes on the entertainment value, to me, of the Kate Hudson film, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, except Cabot’s ideas and steps are supposedly backed by scientific research. But before I commit to this plan, I’d like to see statistics, thank you very much.
Basically we’re supposed to be taking advice from this woman who, “has it all:” a successful career and a loving relationship with her husband, with whom she can communicate. In her opinion, as seen on the back cover of the book, it’s time we women put as much savvy into hooking a man as we do into our career, so we can be like her of course. Because like the myriads of women she uses as examples in her book know, no matter how successful you are, if you don’t have a partner there is a gaping hole missing in your life.
Maybe it was the early 80s, but some of the things she describes and the women she describes are utterly ridiculous. What was marrying age then? Some of these successful girls are 25 and freaking out because they have not found the loves of their lives yet? It makes me wonder who is the target audience of this book? The woman who has tried everything and is exhausted with the dating scene? She seems like shes writing this for all women, whether they be are divorcees or on their first date.
Here is the link to her website:
http://www.loveadvice.com/
it kind of bothers me that Dr. Cabot has boiled one of the most powerful human emotions down to a science. And even more troublesome, down to a science that she feels women should in a way manipulate to “trap” their men. And what these methods boil down to is changing yourself for him. I think Cabot would argue that your not really changing yourself but presenting your self that best suits him but I would disagree. It seems that you have to be really compromising. So many times while reading this I hit a sore note because in a recent argument between my boyfriend and I over consideration he actually said, he had a lot going on, too much so to show what I feel was an adequate amount of consideration and that he’s focused and “on his train, and if I want to hop along for the ride he’d be more than happy to have me” in a fit of rage I screamed, “WHAT ABOUT MY TRAIN! Why do we always have to be on your train!”
In a way I think this book is telling women to be better adapted to the man’s train. Maybe infiltrate and start decorating using your own decor, but definitely get on his train. I’m changing my speech patterns to mirror his “Love Language.” I’m mirroring his behaviour. I’m dressing like him. I’m learning his personal experiences to learn his emotional anchors. So when in this relationship do I demonstrate any part of myself?
Maybe that’s Part 2: How to make him love the you that you love?
